May 2014 : A workshop on Picture Books attended at the Max Muller Bhavan, courtesy the kind Priya Kurian who informed me of this. Under the mentorship of the revered Anoushka Ravikrishnan and Suddhasatwa Basu, we or atleast i, picked up many insights on Picture Book creation, Illustration for books and created a few of our own.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
UpNext
Dogs : An anthology of comics on, dogs.
My story, 'Parked' is a quick filmy peep into the world underneath cars.
What i could not do for Samar's (grewal) Mongrels in all it's colourfulness was developed for Vidyun here in a black and white piece. The launch - 7th of August at Crosswords BookStore, CP.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
commitment
Many factors contribute to developing a unique identity and being able to withstand change. In the words of Rowlands, (2005), ‘Just because you are changing all the time does not mean there is no you.’ (p 93), because really, all experiences will work to change you as a person.
"...a subjective sense as well as an observable quality of personal sameness and continuity, paired with some belief in the sameness and continuity of some shared world image.According to Marcia and his colleagues, the balance between identity and confusion lies in making a commitment to an identity.
"...a subjective sense as well as an observable quality of personal sameness and continuity, paired with some belief in the sameness and continuity of some shared world image.According to Marcia and his colleagues, the balance between identity and confusion lies in making a commitment to an identity.
Identity Statuses
- Identity achievement occurs when an individual has gone through an exploration of different identities and made a commitment to one.
- Moratorium is the status of a person who is actively involved in exploring different identities, but has not made a commitment.
- Foreclosure status is when a person has made a commitment without attempting identity exploration.
- Identity diffusion occurs when there is neither an identity crisis or commitment.
In today's rapidly changing world, identity crises are more common today than in Erikson's day. These conflicts are certainly not confined to the teenage years. People tend to experience them at various points throughout life, particularly at points of great change such as starting a new job, the beginning of a new relationship, the end of a marriage, or the birth of a child. Exploring different aspects of yourself in the different areas of life, including your role at work, within the family, and in romantic relationships, can help strengthen your personal identity.
The four identity statuses are built from high and low positions on two identity dimensions. Dimension one is "commitment." People high on commitment have a firm sense of who they are and feel strongly about the choices they have made. People low in identity commitment have an uncertain sense of self. Dimension two is "exploration." If you are high on the exploration dimension, you are actively questioning your sense of self and looking for ways to come to a decision.Combining the high and low points on each dimension, we arrive at four identity statuses. People high on the commitment and exploration dimension are the traditional "identity achieved." At the opposite pole on both dimensions, people low in commitment and exploration fit Erikson's criteria for "identity diffused." People high on exploration but low on commitment are in a category that Marcia called "moratorium." This means that they have placed a hold on making the major decisions in their lives. They're thinking hard about what they want to do but aren't ready to commit. The final category applies to people who are low on exploration and high on commitment. In other words, they have a firm sense of self but they never went through a serious process of questioning their commitments. Marcia calls these "foreclosed;" in other words, they have closed off any serious contemplation of what they really want out of life. The most favorable status for people to have in terms of adjustment is identity achieved. People who are moratorium, at least during adolescence, will be the most likely to fit the classic image of the rebellious teen. The identity diffuse can also experience difficulties because they tend to float and may be led astray and into high-risk behaviors. The foreclosed are perhaps the most interesting, however. Their commitments most likely coincided closely with the expectations their parents had for them. These are the teens most likely to enter the family business or profession, and follow the values that fit closely with those of their parents. The problem for them is that without an actual period of exploring their own commitments, they may find themselves in mid-life to regret those decisions that did not match their true, inner needs.
The identity statuses were originally meant to apply to adolescents but later researchers have extended them to the adult years. In looking at adults, though, the natural question to ask is whether an identity exploration in adolescence is enough to keep people optimally adapted in adulthood. Several identity researchers, including me, examined the commitment and exploration dimensions as continuous developmental processes that can carry on throughout life. Just because you experienced a period of identity exploration as a teen doesn't mean that you are set for life. It's healthy to keep exploring your values, roles, and sense of self regardless of your age.
This is mainly for recently diagnosed/self-diagnosed adults. I'm wondering if anyone else understands this. I spent my entire life until now not feeling like I had my own true identity. Now that I realize I have AS, I understand why I felt that way, but I'm still unsure about the identity part. I know what I like and don't like and my habits, but I still can't tell who my true self is.
For some reason, I think it's because I've been mimicking people my whole life to fit in because I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't sure how to act or what things to say, and most of my hobbies were things my mother made me do for the most part (sports, choir, etc). I've never had one specific special interest I excelled in (they still change all time). Many characteristics i adopted from other people because I noticed other people responding positively to them, so I figured it would work well for me too. I tried to talk like certain people, copy their unique mannerisms, in addition to wanting to have the same kinds of clothes and other material items. They never completely worked for me. I either did them really awkwardly and embarrassed myself or I just couldn't keep it up anymore because it was too tiresome. I would even manifest personalities that I thought people would like and then try to be it.
It seems that I've done this so much and I was so focused on keeping up socially that I never truly figured out who my true self is, and now I'm mostly stuck just being confused. Since I've realized I'm on the spectrum, it has made me just a little more comfortable in my own skin because I know there's an explanation for WHY I act that way, but now how do I go about getting to know myself? I'm not sure where to begin. Does this seem strange to anyone else?
The four identity statuses are built from high and low positions on two identity dimensions. Dimension one is "commitment." People high on commitment have a firm sense of who they are and feel strongly about the choices they have made. People low in identity commitment have an uncertain sense of self. Dimension two is "exploration." If you are high on the exploration dimension, you are actively questioning your sense of self and looking for ways to come to a decision.Combining the high and low points on each dimension, we arrive at four identity statuses. People high on the commitment and exploration dimension are the traditional "identity achieved." At the opposite pole on both dimensions, people low in commitment and exploration fit Erikson's criteria for "identity diffused." People high on exploration but low on commitment are in a category that Marcia called "moratorium." This means that they have placed a hold on making the major decisions in their lives. They're thinking hard about what they want to do but aren't ready to commit. The final category applies to people who are low on exploration and high on commitment. In other words, they have a firm sense of self but they never went through a serious process of questioning their commitments. Marcia calls these "foreclosed;" in other words, they have closed off any serious contemplation of what they really want out of life. The most favorable status for people to have in terms of adjustment is identity achieved. People who are moratorium, at least during adolescence, will be the most likely to fit the classic image of the rebellious teen. The identity diffuse can also experience difficulties because they tend to float and may be led astray and into high-risk behaviors. The foreclosed are perhaps the most interesting, however. Their commitments most likely coincided closely with the expectations their parents had for them. These are the teens most likely to enter the family business or profession, and follow the values that fit closely with those of their parents. The problem for them is that without an actual period of exploring their own commitments, they may find themselves in mid-life to regret those decisions that did not match their true, inner needs.
The identity statuses were originally meant to apply to adolescents but later researchers have extended them to the adult years. In looking at adults, though, the natural question to ask is whether an identity exploration in adolescence is enough to keep people optimally adapted in adulthood. Several identity researchers, including me, examined the commitment and exploration dimensions as continuous developmental processes that can carry on throughout life. Just because you experienced a period of identity exploration as a teen doesn't mean that you are set for life. It's healthy to keep exploring your values, roles, and sense of self regardless of your age.
This is mainly for recently diagnosed/self-diagnosed adults. I'm wondering if anyone else understands this. I spent my entire life until now not feeling like I had my own true identity. Now that I realize I have AS, I understand why I felt that way, but I'm still unsure about the identity part. I know what I like and don't like and my habits, but I still can't tell who my true self is.
For some reason, I think it's because I've been mimicking people my whole life to fit in because I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't sure how to act or what things to say, and most of my hobbies were things my mother made me do for the most part (sports, choir, etc). I've never had one specific special interest I excelled in (they still change all time). Many characteristics i adopted from other people because I noticed other people responding positively to them, so I figured it would work well for me too. I tried to talk like certain people, copy their unique mannerisms, in addition to wanting to have the same kinds of clothes and other material items. They never completely worked for me. I either did them really awkwardly and embarrassed myself or I just couldn't keep it up anymore because it was too tiresome. I would even manifest personalities that I thought people would like and then try to be it.
It seems that I've done this so much and I was so focused on keeping up socially that I never truly figured out who my true self is, and now I'm mostly stuck just being confused. Since I've realized I'm on the spectrum, it has made me just a little more comfortable in my own skin because I know there's an explanation for WHY I act that way, but now how do I go about getting to know myself? I'm not sure where to begin. Does this seem strange to anyone else?
Innocence
The art of living is, incidentally, the art of losing innocence.
Must we learn to live?
Maybe mystery is the only key to living with innocence-
to alarm the world with the possibility of being as grown up as you are not-
to keep a happy face to hide what you seek-
for the sad are the vulnerable, and innocence is thwarted with knives.
In the hopeful heart of naivety,
what was love?
Must we learn to live?
Maybe mystery is the only key to living with innocence-
to alarm the world with the possibility of being as grown up as you are not-
to keep a happy face to hide what you seek-
for the sad are the vulnerable, and innocence is thwarted with knives.
In the hopeful heart of naivety,
what was love?
Friday, May 23, 2014
freedom
I'll give you what is left;
the admission,
so you can make love to it,
for all you wonder
I'll rape me whole,
for how much you love me,
for you are
the big,
and I am nothing, anyway.
the admission,
so you can make love to it,
for all you wonder
I'll rape me whole,
for how much you love me,
for you are
the big,
and I am nothing, anyway.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Blood can't go up a vein,
words can't be taken back.
Secrets lost
would be lost forever.
Once you're in the light,
there's no dark again.
Tread slow,
keep the voice low,
It's precious,
precious,
precious.
Choose between voice
and silence,
words and lines,
the simple and
beautiful;
between
war and
love.
words can't be taken back.
Secrets lost
would be lost forever.
Once you're in the light,
there's no dark again.
Tread slow,
keep the voice low,
It's precious,
precious,
precious.
Choose between voice
and silence,
words and lines,
the simple and
beautiful;
between
war and
love.
Unreal
Don't stop for them,
or change.
Keep the magic alive.
Don't be taken in,
keep firm,
live unreal.
or change.
Keep the magic alive.
Don't be taken in,
keep firm,
live unreal.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Beauty and the Beast
The Beast hides
beauty in paint
to be saved
of the raven's touch.
Beauty, raw,
a soft core,
a tender heart,
a warm hug,
an open car,
was
touched at it's heart
and had
that night,
by the road.
beauty in paint
to be saved
of the raven's touch.
Beauty, raw,
a soft core,
a tender heart,
a warm hug,
an open car,
was
touched at it's heart
and had
that night,
by the road.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Shift
It is not my clothes nor my curves
that make me strong;
It is how you see me,
and that you do.
My clothes and curves
mean nothing when you are not by my side.
Magic lies not in a trick,
but in eyes that are still eager.
It is not beauty
that makes you strong,
It's the beast that
is dirtier, that
wins this war.
that make me strong;
It is how you see me,
and that you do.
My clothes and curves
mean nothing when you are not by my side.
Magic lies not in a trick,
but in eyes that are still eager.
It is not beauty
that makes you strong,
It's the beast that
is dirtier, that
wins this war.
The Price
Protect the self,
to shine
is to tempt,
the more you shine the
more you tempt the dirty.
To be beautiful
is to tease vultures, bitch.
A room full of wolves,
streets full of gazes.
Protect the self,
from the old
the corrupt
the single
the friend
the stalker
the starved
the city;
or be them,
so there's nothing to protect,
be dirty
so the dirty stay away.
Know who deserve your beauty,
and who, your filth.
to shine
is to tempt,
the more you shine the
more you tempt the dirty.
To be beautiful
is to tease vultures, bitch.
A room full of wolves,
streets full of gazes.
Protect the self,
from the old
the corrupt
the single
the friend
the stalker
the starved
the city;
or be them,
so there's nothing to protect,
be dirty
so the dirty stay away.
Know who deserve your beauty,
and who, your filth.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Rape
Strip her to her naked body
when you meet her
rub your manhood all over it
hurt her like a true man
do tell her how sexy you think she is
force yourself into her if she says nothing
rip her clothes off
for she is a nobody
who needs your fame
show her how desirable you are
for all the women you have in your bed;
how she needs a man
like you for she has no other.
After the rape,
go tell the woman you worship,
you did a woman who desires you a small favor
that the night is done
while your little goddess, the woman like no other, a woman herself, touts her a piece of shit
that must be raped
again
and promises she will be the one who
will pop your children
for she is your truest fan-
and you, hers.
_
when you meet her
rub your manhood all over it
hurt her like a true man
do tell her how sexy you think she is
force yourself into her if she says nothing
rip her clothes off
for she is a nobody
who needs your fame
show her how desirable you are
for all the women you have in your bed;
how she needs a man
like you for she has no other.
After the rape,
go tell the woman you worship,
you did a woman who desires you a small favor
that the night is done
while your little goddess, the woman like no other, a woman herself, touts her a piece of shit
that must be raped
again
and promises she will be the one who
will pop your children
for she is your truest fan-
and you, hers.
_
Significance
In this storm of
voices and faces and houses with numbers,
I am the still
the free
the homeless
the lonely
the voiceless
the child,
I am the desirable.
voices and faces and houses with numbers,
I am the still
the free
the homeless
the lonely
the voiceless
the child,
I am the desirable.
Model
The face is a thought,
an empty paper
the face is a wish
the body is a sleight
and I am everything.
an empty paper
the face is a wish
the body is a sleight
and I am everything.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
survival of the swiftest
The space between one phase of being and another can be as uplifting as deathly:
Make your transitions swift, delay nothing, be clear, know exactly when to retract -
take control over your choices, before they take over you.
Stop for no-one - as no-one would for you.
Make your transitions swift, delay nothing, be clear, know exactly when to retract -
take control over your choices, before they take over you.
Stop for no-one - as no-one would for you.
Innocence found nowhere to go. abused and mistaken it took on their shape.
it's friends had all learnt enough about the world too soon.
He who can not tell right from wrong and good from bad is the slut
Are those who the world has robbed sooner than the others, the men and women who perch comfortably, classify women, who claim class, who mistreat women, who take their talent for granted, or better still do nothing, just sad for what they cannot have back?
But he learnt to stop asking for silly things, and accepted that little truth : that feelings have little or no place in a world dominated by power structures, class, delusions of largeness and facades and misogyny - and they will always win over the truth, over justice, over feelings, over the very momentary seduction of the non-conformism of those structures. He learnt that Wisdom was the end of him.
That to survive, it must be as clever and corrupt.
In a world where even naivety becomes a projection of class and vocabulary for social media seductions, the one who has struggled to make sense of the world all alone foolishly, is better seen as the clever.
The one who can live with the alone-ness of darkness (as outsider), can live with the alone-ness of threat (as insider).
And it went exactly that way.
What they need to be told he thought, is that the outsider only likes life from outside theirs door - he is not interested in their friends, in their people, in their status, in stealing or threatening, or in being loved, he wants only justice. And that the beautiful innocence of understanding the world for yourself, of taking your time, is not the same as being dumb or naive.
He learnt that wisdom itself was just a form of clever, a corruption one learns as an art of self-protection. And that malice and wisdom, too, go hand in hand - and that is the art of the inside.
He could not decide if wisdom was a blessing to be embraced, or if he'd rather fight it and remain a child. the child who will be misunderstood as childhood passes by, mistaken as more malicious than those who actually play and fight to remain with and besides others, to remain inside.
Niceness, naivety, rebellion, love, friendship is just another word for foolishness.
For the only thing that moves the world is strength, class, images, and who you can keep at bay thus.
it's friends had all learnt enough about the world too soon.
He who can not tell right from wrong and good from bad is the slut
Are those who the world has robbed sooner than the others, the men and women who perch comfortably, classify women, who claim class, who mistreat women, who take their talent for granted, or better still do nothing, just sad for what they cannot have back?
But he learnt to stop asking for silly things, and accepted that little truth : that feelings have little or no place in a world dominated by power structures, class, delusions of largeness and facades and misogyny - and they will always win over the truth, over justice, over feelings, over the very momentary seduction of the non-conformism of those structures. He learnt that Wisdom was the end of him.
That to survive, it must be as clever and corrupt.
In a world where even naivety becomes a projection of class and vocabulary for social media seductions, the one who has struggled to make sense of the world all alone foolishly, is better seen as the clever.
The one who can live with the alone-ness of darkness (as outsider), can live with the alone-ness of threat (as insider).
And it went exactly that way.
What they need to be told he thought, is that the outsider only likes life from outside theirs door - he is not interested in their friends, in their people, in their status, in stealing or threatening, or in being loved, he wants only justice. And that the beautiful innocence of understanding the world for yourself, of taking your time, is not the same as being dumb or naive.
He learnt that wisdom itself was just a form of clever, a corruption one learns as an art of self-protection. And that malice and wisdom, too, go hand in hand - and that is the art of the inside.
He could not decide if wisdom was a blessing to be embraced, or if he'd rather fight it and remain a child. the child who will be misunderstood as childhood passes by, mistaken as more malicious than those who actually play and fight to remain with and besides others, to remain inside.
Niceness, naivety, rebellion, love, friendship is just another word for foolishness.
For the only thing that moves the world is strength, class, images, and who you can keep at bay thus.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Reversing love
It is the search for beauty and love that seems the only thing futile in a world full of clever, compromise, and lack of holisitic reason : individual reigning, individual imposing, individual benefit; rather than absorbing, understanding, questioning, adapting and seeking change.
In this complex world of competition and self-motive in which everyone is trying to make their own place, (measured now by their online voices), innocence has nowhere to go. It is
straddled remorselessly. To be lost is to be foolish and entirely alone.
What happens when we suspend everything we live for?
In this complex world of competition and self-motive in which everyone is trying to make their own place, (measured now by their online voices), innocence has nowhere to go. It is
straddled remorselessly. To be lost is to be foolish and entirely alone.
What happens when we suspend everything we live for?
Monday, December 16, 2013
rape
When you force yourself on a woman as a display of power because you 'can', or when you make sexual advances on a woman who does not want such attention from you - unless it is consensual; you conquer nothing that is her except reduce the integrity of a body without it's consent. The body you have prized yourself with could be any - it is a body devoid of itself : she loses nothing, you gain nothing.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Recently at Lila, Shahpur Jat.
A reading of some stories from 'This Side That Side: Re-storying Partition' by the brilliant mentor and editor Vishwakyoti Ghosh, including 'The Taboo' - written by Malini Gupta, illustrated by me.
Wish i had documented the event. This is what i have to show for it in retrospect.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Untitled
I'm here right now
just so
every time i am amidst you,
I can walk,
with my head held high;
my secrets, mine.
just so
every time i am amidst you,
I can walk,
with my head held high;
my secrets, mine.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Kindness
-saying thankyou and valuing what others do
-keeping things simple for yourself
-being glad for all that you have
-having fun no matter what
-being articulate and understood
There is a fine line that separates he who is heard and trusted, from the constantly unreliable and incapable mad man, he who has no place in society no matter what his cause.
-keeping things simple for yourself
-being glad for all that you have
-having fun no matter what
-being articulate and understood
There is a fine line that separates he who is heard and trusted, from the constantly unreliable and incapable mad man, he who has no place in society no matter what his cause.
Friday, October 4, 2013
The simple things in life.
Simple joys.
Simple aspirations.
Simple fun.
Simple excitement.
Looking good. Enjoying good food. Good friends, loving the family. Travelling. Keeping fit.
Keeping up to date. Keeping busy.
Charting exciting new (simple) things for the future.
Knowing my priorities, and working on basic discipline : being on time, giving in work on time.
Living in the moment. Being honest. The reflection : keeping yourself sorted.
Not being lazy. Feeling light. Keeping anchored to your roots.
Valuing what you create/know/do - whatever it is - and learning to share happily and confidently.
A simple love for being, me.
It's really that easy and fun!
Simple joys.
Simple aspirations.
Simple fun.
Simple excitement.
Looking good. Enjoying good food. Good friends, loving the family. Travelling. Keeping fit.
Keeping up to date. Keeping busy.
Charting exciting new (simple) things for the future.
Knowing my priorities, and working on basic discipline : being on time, giving in work on time.
Living in the moment. Being honest. The reflection : keeping yourself sorted.
Not being lazy. Feeling light. Keeping anchored to your roots.
Valuing what you create/know/do - whatever it is - and learning to share happily and confidently.
A simple love for being, me.
It's really that easy and fun!
Drawings from here and there
prayas with sourav
friend
saumya bhaiya
tea shop before morning run
cat in the studio
dogs
when Ari returned to town : at Sukruta's
Shillong townscape
the lady on the other terrace
Chandni relaxing
Go Discover Rhymes : Interactive early learning smart book
Graphic design and illustration for the 'Go-Discover Rhymes' series of the Go-Discover Interactive early learning smart books. This was a set of 8 educational smart books that used touch and sound technology via an interactive pen, for children between 2-5 years of age.
This set of interactive books was launched at the book fair in delhi on February 11, 2013.
These are the pages i designed and illustrated in January for one of the 8 books - the book of Rhymes. The other books were the book of Numbers, Alphabets, Stories, Animals, Fruits and Colours. This was the last addition in the series, and this would not have been possible in the time we had without the support of the wonderful Sonia Swaroop of Go-Discover books.
Illustrations for Helter Skelter magazine
Illustrations for Helter-Skelter's New Writing vol 3.
'Strange love'
'Roseapples'
'Papercut on tongue'
Viewable here : http://helterskelter.in/ newwriting/vol3/
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Andaman n Nicobar
This time : The Andamans.
A post on the most amazing holidays i had in the last year is due.
Watch this space for drawings and a travel log.
A post on the most amazing holidays i had in the last year is due.
Watch this space for drawings and a travel log.
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