Pyaar

Pyaar ki neev par duniya khadi hai
jab tak pyaar hai
aakhir sab pyaare hain -

Doosra galti kare toh
bhi main pyaar dikhaoon
doora haath uthaaye toh doosra gaal de doon
balatkaar kare - toh phir karne doon?

Leikin sawaal yeh hai ki
kahan tak ka pyaar pragya hai aur kab woh pyaar moorkhtaa,
aur
aadmi ko pyaar dikhaana kyon nahi aata hai?
usko pyaar ki ehimiyat kyon nahi pata hai?

Woh sirf dabaav jaanta hai
zhor, tej, bal, jaanta hai
jo pyaar ka virodhi hai.

How does the mother link to the lover?

Respect

Our every word, touch, interaction with the world changes the way it sees us permanently, on every moment, which defines the respect that one establishes with the other.

That respect is the most sensitive line to tread in human interaction.

It takes the most precarious rope-walking to not just maintain your respect in the eyes of those who know you, but theirs' in yours as much as they may push and pull the strings.

I have tried to retain the respect of everyone who touches my life as far as I can as that of my associations and interactions - to keep them innocent and new for as long as I can, but failed often enough to understand the lack of sensitivity with which people find it so easy to lose theirs to you in the pleasure they often seek in disrobing you of yours - so that they compel you to speak up and lose your respect in their eyes further till relationships lose their newness, their innocence, completely. Relationships change in moments- every touch, every word spoken between two individuals changes the way we perceive each other..

I hope more than to ever be respected, to never lose respect for anyone who touches my life, which I believe is in my hands too - because it is in every person to raise the other rather than suppress them.

I'm Willing

If you want to rape
I'll be raped
If you want to supress
I'll be supressed
If you want to feel good about yourself
I'm willing to be walked upon
If you think rape is cool
I'm willing to be cool
If you want to violate me of my dignity
I'll be violated
If you want to shame me
I'm willing to be shamed
If you want to be the greater one
I have no respect to fight for
If you want to dirty me
I'm not lessened by anything you do
If you want to intrude in my privacy,
grab my body all you want
If you want to win
I'm willing to lose, lose, lose
I'm willing to be raped again and again and again
if you feel better doing that
till there's nothing left for you to take away
and I have done that
Yes I'm
misleading you
and your sense of you,
I may die,
I may end up un-healthier
I may cry alone
I become no one 
And if you want to lie after raping me,
I'm even willing to admit you are right
that it was my doing
if it makes me not suppress you
because I don't want to be a cause
for anyone's fall,
because I'm no one to change you,
the change must come from you..
which it never can,
because you are too dirty for even repentence.

fear

the snake came slithering into

what could've been

an option

chttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc

The Clever Fool

Cool survived, moral was cornered

cool hangs with plenty and moral sat alone
cool is calm, the moral seething
cool continued the party, moral has no one
cool is a liar and the moral is true
cool survives
the moral fades
but knows he wins for himself
and lives for the few that deserve him
with a pride the cool can't command
but what I love is the

strong who is cool -

in his compassion
for the week

the strong that takes charge of the self yes
but slips into the world
and it's ways,
at every step.

On my struggle in expressing my discomfort and inability to define the various situations I have and continue to encounter socially :

Talking Philosophy

The Philosophers' Magazine Blog

Some thoughts on ‘groping’: naming uninvited touching

Posted by Rebecca Reilly-Cooper on October 11, 2012 Leave a comment (55) Go to comments

 

Thank you Jeremy for the welcome, and thank you for having me at Talking Philosophy. I’m looking forward to joining in the discussion! For my first two posts, I’m going to talk about my own personal experiences of the phenomenon that philosopher Miranda Fricker calls ‘epistemic injustice’. This is the injustice that occurs when someone is wronged specifically in their capacity as a bearer of knowledge. There are two main types of epistemic injustice – hermeneutical, and testimonial. In this first post I’m going to talk about the former, and in my next post I’ll discuss the latter.
Just over a year ago, at an academic conference, something unpleasant happened to me. I would like to be able to tell people about it. I wanted to tell people about it at the time, as it seemed like the kind of thing that should probably be reported to the conference organizers. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure what it was that had happened. Thirteen months and a great deal of pondering the incident later, and I’m still not. As you can imagine, that makes telling people about it rather difficult.
I can describe the incident in detail, of course. Over a period of perhaps twenty minutes, another delegate at the conference – repeatedly and without my consent – touched my head, hair, neck, lower back, inside of my forearms, all the while indifferent to my distress and discomfort. (I want to go into lengthy detail here to try to explain why I didn’t tell him not to touch me or otherwise put a stop to it, but I’m going to resist.)
There have been many other incidents like this in my life, and I would be so bold as to claim that all women have several of their own versions of this story – most far worse than mine. I can give you a pretty accurate physical description of the incident. And I know that what this person did was wrong, because it is wrong to touch someone without consent. But what I am not sure about is what type of incident this was; what label to give it, what category to assign it to.
Once I had extricated myself from the situation I tracked down the conference organizers and tried to tell them what had happened. But I found myself lost for words. I didn’t possess any vocabulary to accurately report what had happened to me. I was upset and angry, which won’t have helped. But in the time that has elapsed since, I still haven’t figured out what I should have said. After much stopping, starting and stuttering, I eventually told them that the man in question had ‘sexually harassed’ me. I didn’t think that was right at the time, and I still don’t. I just didn’t know what else to say.
The other possibility that immediately springs to mind is ‘sexual assault’. My knowledge of the law and its correct interpretation is not good enough for me to comment on whether incidents like this are legally regarded as sexual assault. The UK Sexual Offences Act 2003 states that intentional touching is sexual assault if the touching is sexual, the person being touched does not consent, and the person does not reasonably believe that they have consented. The issue here would be whether stroking someone’s neck, back or inner arm constitutes ‘sexual touching’. I don’t know, and don’t want to speculate, because it’s not really the legal situation that I’m most interested in here. Rather, what I’m concerned with is the social meaning of events such as these – the label we collectively give them, the category to which we as a moral community assign them.
I didn’t describe this incident as sexual assault to the conference organizers, and whether or not legally it would be regarded as such, it feels to me that it would be inaccurate to use that term. To me – and I think to most people who hear that phrase – sexual assault denotes something much more serious and traumatic than the mildly obnoxious unwanted touching I experienced. If this person had touched the more obviously sexual areas of my body, then I would consider that to be sexual assault. But it just doesn’t seem correct to call unwanted touching of my arm, neck and back to be sexual assault. Not only does it feel overly dramatic and an exaggeration to refer to it in such terms; it also seems to me that to call it sexual assault is to diminish the experiences of other people who have been victims of serious sexual assaults. To equate the mild distress of someone stroking my neck with the trauma and shock that must accompany serious sexual assaults feels attention-seeking, and somehow disrespectful.
Maybe I’m wrong about that. Maybe it’s symptomatic of how widespread such incidents are, and how acceptable our culture considers them, that even their victims resist labelling them as sexual assault. But even if that’s true, the fact remains that I am uncomfortable with that label. It just doesn’t feel accurate to describe these incidents as sexual assaults, and I feel pretty confident that most other people would share that intuition – if I were to say I had been sexually assaulted, and then describe what happened in detail, they would think I was being misleading and melodramatic. The other possible remaining terminology is to say I was ‘groped’, a phrase that’s being employed rather a lot in the popular press just now. But I am not sure if that is correct either – ‘groping’ is a very vague and ill-defined term and I’m not sure exactly what it refers to. Must groping involve only the obviously sexual areas of the body, or can you grope someone’s neck, arms or legs? Is groping different from stroking? Although I have some vague hunches myself about how to answer these questions, the fact I’m asking them suggests there is no clear consensus on what groping is.
So what follows from all this is that I don’t have any label to give to this incident, and others like it. I know what happened; but I don’t know what type of thing happened. And this is a further harm to suffer – not only has an unpleasant thing happened, but I am also unable to name what that unpleasant thing was.
The problem of lacking terminology by which to identify these kinds of minor assaults seems to be a paradigm case of what philosopher Miranda Fricker calls ‘hermeneutical injustice’. This is the injustice that occurs when ‘some significant area of one’s social experience [is] obscured from collective understanding owing to hermeneutical marginalization’. Hermeneutical marginalization occurs when members of a particular disadvantaged group – in this case, women – are prevented from participating as equals in the creation of social meanings. Members of powerful social groups are in a privileged position with respect to the construction of our collective hermeneutical resources. That is, they have more influence over the creation of the social frames of reference by which people make sense of their lives and their experiences, while members of less advantaged social groups have less influence. The result of this marginalization is that there is a gap in our collective frameworks for interpreting and making sense of the social world, a gap which prevents some people – in this case, women – from being able to understand and make sense of their experiences. Historically, women have been under-represented from those jobs or roles that are central for the construction of social meaning – jobs in politics, law or the media, for example. They have therefore been marginalized from the processes whereby we come to recognize and label certain practices or events and place them within a framework of meaning. As a result, they are prevented from understanding or communicating the things that happen to them. As Wittgenstein famously said: whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.
The very fact that our collective hermeneutical resource – that is, our shared frameworks of meaning and reference – lacks vocabulary for describing the kind of thing that happened to me at this conference suggests that this form of injustice has taken place. It is startling that we do not have the language to adequately capture this kind of event, when it is such a commonplace feature of women’s lives. Most, if not all, women will experience this kind of uninvited physical contact several times in their lives; and yet we don’t have any terminology with which to discuss it. And the crucial claim is that this is an additional injustice – in addition to the wrong of being touched without one’s consent, a further wrong occurs when the victim of this touching is left without the interpretive resources to describe and make sense of what has happened to her. Not only is she unable to accurately report her experience to others. She is unable to understand it herself, and in interpreting it has to rely on the existing set of social meanings – which, in the case of unwanted touching, often represents this as harmless flirtation. This can lead to confusion and distress, as well as a sense of being alone in our experiences, when in fact they are examples of a wider pattern of behaviour for which we currently have no name. Indeed, lacking the interpretive resources to make sense of our experiences can be extremely damaging to our selfhood and identity. On a plausible account of personal identity, we are all engaged in a process of self-understanding, trying to make our actions, beliefs and emotions coherent and intelligible – first to ourselves, and then to others. If the existing set of social meanings – and of course, this is the only set we have to draw on – lacks the resources for us to make sense of the things that happen to us, it denies us the capacity to work our how it is appropriate for us to respond, and denies us the ability to render our own behaviour and emotional responses intelligible. This has a dramatic impact on our identities and sense of self.
So how can we remedy this injustice? I’m not sure, but one possibility (as some feminist bloggers have suggested) is to insist upon calling these incidents sexual assaults, and to try to raise consciousness among both men and women that this is what uninvited touching is. While I am happy with the implication that both men and women ought to be encouraged to take these incidents more seriously, I still worry that calling these minor incidents sexual assault may have the consequence of diminishing the seriousness of other, more obvious cases. So I don’t claim to have the solution. But I’m happy enough here to have highlighted the double injustice that these forms of uninvited touching involve –  first in the wrongness of the touching itself, and second in the effective silencing of those who suffer it.

defining sexual harrassment and assualt

Defining Sexual Assault and Consent - northwestern university, women's center

The term "sexual assault" covers behavior from unwanted touching to rape. Each state has its own legal definition and criminal code, and thus definitions of acts that constitute sexual assault vary. These definitions are gender neutral because sexual assault happens to both females and males, although the vast majority of sexual assault victims are females.
Northwestern University defines sexual assault as:
Any intentional or knowing touching or fondling by the accused, either directly or through the clothing, of the victim's genitals, breasts, thighs, or buttocks without the victim's consent. Sexual assault includes touching or fondling of the accused by the victim when the victim is forced to do so against his or her will. Sexual assault also includes any nonconsensual acts involving penetration of the sex organs, anus, or mouth. (Northwestern University Student Handbook 2009-2010)
Illinois State law defines sexual assault as:
Sexual penetration by force or threat of force or an act of sexual penetration when the victim was unable to understand the nature of the act or was unable to give knowing consent. (720 ILCS 5 Criminal Code of 1961 §12-13)
Illinois law defines sexual penetration as:
Any contact, however slight, between the sex organ or anus of one person by an object, the sex organ, mouth, or anus of another person, or any intrusion, however slight, of any part of the body of one person or of any object into the sex organ or anus of another person, including but not limited to cunnilingus, fellatio, or anal penetration. Evidence of emission of semen is not required to prove sexual penetration (720 ILCS 5 Criminal Code of 1961 §12-12(f)).
What is consent?
Sexual activity requires consent, which is defined as voluntary, positive agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity.
Communicating consent:

• Consent to sexual activity can be communicated in a variety of ways, but one should presume that consent has not been given in the absence of clear, positive agreement.
• While verbal consent is not an absolute requirement for consensual sexual activity, verbal communication prior to engaging in sex helps to clarify consent. Communicating verbally before engaging in sexual activity is imperative. However potentially awkward it may seem, talking about your own and your partner's sexual desires, needs, and limitations provide a basis for a positive experience.
• Consent must be clear and unambiguous for each participant at every stage of a sexual encounter. The absence of "no" should not be understood to mean there is consent.
• A prior relationship does not indicate consent to future activity.

Alcohol and drugs:

• A person who is asleep or mentally or physically incapacitated, either through the effect of drugs or alcohol or for any other reason, is not capable of giving valid consent.
• The use of alcohol or drugs may seriously interfere with the participants' judgment about whether consent has been sought and given.

Sexual Harassment :

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile or offensive work environment.
Sexual harassment is a form of Sex Discrimination that occurs in the workplace. Persons who are the victims of sexual harassment may sue under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (42 U.S.C.A. § 2000e et seq.), which prohibits sex discrimination in the workplace.
The federal courts did not recognize sexual harassment as a form of sex discrimination until the 1970s, because the problem originally was perceived as isolated incidents of flirtation in the workplace. Employers are now aware that they can be sued by the victims of workplace sexual harassment. The accusations of sexual harassment made by anita f. hill against Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas during his 1991 confirmation hearings also raised societal consciousness about this issue.
Courts and employers generally use the definition of sexual harassment contained in the guidelines of the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). This language has also formed the basis for most state laws prohibiting sexual harassment. The guidelines state:

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when

1. submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of an individual's employment,
2. submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for employment decisions affecting such individuals, or
3. such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment. (29 C.F.R. § 1604.11 [1980])

A key part of the definition is the use of the word unwelcome. Unwelcome or uninvited conduct or communication of a sexual nature is prohibited; welcome or invited actions or words are not unlawful. Sexual or romantic interaction between consenting people at work may be offensive to observers or may violate company policy, but it is not sexual harassment.
The courts have generally concluded that a victim need not say or do a particular thing to indicate unwelcomeness. Instead, a court will review all of the circumstances to determine whether it was reasonably clear to the harasser that the conduct was unwelcome. The courts have recognized that victims may be afraid to express their discomfort if the harasser is their boss or is physically intimidating. Victims may be coerced into going along with sexual talk or activities because they believe they will be punished or fired if they protest. Consent can be given to a relationship and then withdrawn when the relationship ends. Once it is withdrawn, continued romantic or sexual words or actions are not protected by the past relationship and may be sexual harassment.
The law prohibits unwelcome "sexual" conduct and words or actions "of a sexual nature." Some conduct, such as hugging, may be sexual or nonsexual and must be evaluated in context. Sexual harassment may be physical, such as kissing, hugging, pinching, patting, grabbing, blocking the victim's path, leering or staring, or standing very close to the victim. It may also be verbal, which may be oral or written and could include requests

Intimate Partner Violence

Intimate partner violence refers to behaviour by an intimate partner or ex-partner that causes physical, sexual or psychological harm, including physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviours.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_partner_violence

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/the-terrible-injury-often-overlooked-in-domestic-violence/story-fnu2q5nu-1227465704383

More on such issues, soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FdOWqTVvpc

irresistible psycho

yes i am the irresistible
they cannot keep their eyes
and hands off me
even if i say no
and i am the psycho
because if i say no
i am no more
irresistible
i am resisted!

Secrets

The body is full
of memories
and secrets
and dirty secrets
and silence
If i take it away,
i'll take me away.

Untitled

That which keeps it alive
that keeps me alive
in your life
that makes me
alive
that makes me mean
anything to you
and thus
makes me,
that makes me matter at all
in your big world
and this big world
where i am nothing
is the wait to trade off
that little obligation
you owe
me and my body
which i have kept to
myself, like my child;
is the
hope that there can be more;
is the power of my
sex over you.

In the light of Rape being the most used four letters in the news, stirring the minds (and heart) of every student, boy, girl, not to mention page, column of every daily at the moment; as if it was just discovered and all other crimes were inconsequential in it's critical rise, i add my own face to the mob, pay my own little homage, not a comment on the state of society, but to a mandatory act of foolishness -

mistreatment of the body. 'growing up' is important to know the self, the choices we make may not always be right;  rape has little to do with strangers, or class or country, but what a woman makes of herself, and the lesser sensitivity with which men, the other half of the yin and yang, see or need to see their bodies, which is perhaps at the root of the lone responsibility that comes with being a woman.

(i wouldn't know what men feel about their bodies, i give them the benefit of doubt,always)

Here goes my own little experience, a frightful image of being raped,

Of letting myself in hands that may not respect my body the same way,

either because i did not make them see it, or because, a man never can.

This is in hindi.

kal main ek khwahish thi

aur aaj

kisi ki hansee hoon

tum hanse ho

apni uss chhat ke neeche

iss rooh mein kuch nahi chupane ya dikhane ko,

woh sundar jo saaf hai

kyon jatati hoon mein dosti

bina duniya ko samjhe

kyon rehti hoon mein chhup

samajhne ki koshish mein

joh chahtein hain mujhe,

aur

jo mere layak hi nahi

aur aaj phir jaati hoon wahan

uss rooh ko khojnein

jise choo kar tum chhat ke neeche hanse

kyon?

kya jataoon useh

jiska ek mazaak hoon main

jisne pyaar ki ehmiyat ko cheena

phir bhi jaati hoon main,

tumme ab

uss mazaak ka nyay khojne

mere rooh ko khojne

uss hansi mein

kaun hain mere apne?

aur kaun hain paraye?

main ek mazaak,

aur main woh mazaak phir karoongi

baar baar,

kyonki tum badsoorat ho

aur mein jhooti

Finally fashion

As i venture into something i wanted to do for a long time - fashion illustration.

Goes on

In a room full of noises
I am the dumb
the voiceless
the unbound
the likable and
the unacceptable
while i'm weak they love me and
and when i strengthen myself
against those who misuse the only likability
they've known,
because it's oh so unusual,
while they fear those mad like them
they can call me the mad,
what they are,
so they can fear me too
and like no one all over again
unless of-course only to gain a like and many a like
so that goes on..
_

miss nobody

Smiling girls
running women
boundaries
rules
expectations
wits
dresses voices friends and lines you can't cross,
and I no one's friend
and no one'e enemy
is happy
and falling for
my enemy again.
The least i can do is be the only one happy?

Burden

Take the burden of all you do not want
all you feel silently
but never burden a man
for he will run away even if he is wrong,
he wants beauty- and you must provide if you want him near,
give sex
give silence
seduce and
Hide the heart and it's wounds.

Not you

I desire
and i destroy
I love all
but i don't wish
right now to be a lover for you.

Undemure

Take the demure away
make her speak ill
take beauty away
take womanliness away
take love away
take silence away
with a brazen rub, an opportunist attack
a filthy gaze
for being the only one still quiet
or beautiful,
And if she objects,
shield yourself from she who you don't need, for she is not lending the body
but asking of your freedom
over her
turn your gaze
stop caring
as you can't for any woman,
any more.

Lead

Lead
the sweet mindlessness of impulse
to desire
lead it to shame
lead it to your house
lead by the day
for a moment of applause
and don't leave
for when you leave leading
the mindless leaves
you,
proud,
you fall.

The disruptor

For you
i'd like to be everything

if you let me be

I'd like to be
a bomb a beauty a cutie oh so sexy a little girly a little pretty a bit womanly brazen
docile glamorous flirty the listener the giver the endless
if you let me be

and for you who touches me when i dress for another
would i rather be
undesirable
and angry
or
walk off
back to my make up,
and see you again,
as i see him?

Masculinism/Activism/Feminism?

It is activist cries and endeavors that make me sorry for being a woman sometimes, or at-least being seen as one, not my womanliness, nor what comes with it.

Being bold enough to be a free woman comes with being mistaken, misused and even ridiculed when it was beautiful and courageous enough to be valued and admired.
Should we be the other, then - blame, distance and be angry just once?

Anger compartmentalizes, it puts the supposed aggravator on a pedestal.
Men have no power over women except that of physical strength, which then, is complemented by (and small before) the maternal, emotional and intellectual power of a woman.
Display or even feel anger and you give a man a power he does not deserve, for he is the week, the needy and the equal at best. And then of-course, Women need, love, lust (and should objectify) men as much if not more.

I feel no need to protect, to abuse, to fight. Which is not to say i'm literally a man or that i think i'm above women, or that i don't have to deal with gender issues.

I do not know if i'm man or woman and see no need to differentiate the two from a whole.
I can be man where i want, woman where i want and a man can be woman if you are a man.

I wonder if Eradicating feminist activism could eradicate a weakness that is often exaggerated, that may not exist at all.
Let there be masculinism.

A man is not a rapist, a human is. And no man is a rapist at large, but a mistake that only one bears the brunt of is still a mistake that deserves to be known.

Rape is not the power to be able to reign over a woman (or man), but the powerlessness of a mind to think of his self-worth lesser to have to acquire what neither gives nor loses anything.

A human is a rapist or a criminal, not because he is a man, not because a woman has been powerless or vulnerable before him, not because he can rape or reigns over a woman, but because he is not worth being loved, because he cannot value his own self enough or what a woman can be.

Kill distinction, fight for nothing, be free, and pull down that wall called feminism? Or fight for right, know right and stick with your rules?

Not sure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4UWxlVvT1A&list=PLPWZv5--hK0s5GO3HiG0BiFfhClr4YMH0
_

Bi-polarity

Knowing is a face
of the wave of conflict
where many faces
merge in unknowing
unresolved
and unspoken.
Only nothing is like everything
only sky like sea
and I am either
or both
or neither
and to claim nothing
you must displace
anything
with the lack of it.

___

How big or small is a thing
how right or wrong,
Are you ok with it,
or not,
does not matter.

Things are what they are,
acknowledge your own truth,
without judgments.
The simple truth.

Miss Understood

The exotic in it's all
is psychotic in it's fall
for everything else
is understood by all.

The small big poem

The big go small
the small get big

The fallen rises
bigness bores
and lures

The small make the big fall
as the big rises,
for the big
lures,
the small lust
the big must hide
or the small shall bite.
The small owe,
the big knows
till the big cannot hold
it's bigness in their shores.

I want to be small
so the small can be big
and I the small -

For when un-enticing,
I don't need to fall,

Or bare
alone,
the precarious silence of holding onto
my grand bigness
sometimes -

which you cannot fathom
as a man,

always,

a little small.

silence

Silence, open
and vast
loves.
I have loved
all
on silence,
and continue to love;
but I can un-entice the same
with a flood of words
I leave nothing unspoken now
to have you take yourself to another door,
For, you, who I don't want close.

Woman

I'm a man
and they want me to be a woman
for knowing no emotion
seeing you take me for a woman

I know no words
I bare all
I reveal nothing
I ask for nothing
and I love them all,

And for you now

I'll be all woman

and watch you be man,

so i can have you
ask me to heed my tears, the hurt and my burning love for you,
for all i care,
I wanna be all woman
so you can feel like the man you are tonight with your gorgeous lover
who I love more than you,
as a man.