Heal

You keep hurting

coming in from every corner and after every time I heal

only to hurt

not to love
or ask if I want to be hurt

and never to be a companion

and I keep healing

you hurt

I heal

and the next from the next corner

will hurt too

before I heal from your hurt

until I heal again

you will not stop hurting

raping, touching or kicking

and I will not stop healing quietly

There is only one me who heals

and many who hurt

so I must be to blame,

You will not stop hurting

Asking me to give you something mine alone

again and again

without my choosing you

treating me like a machine

or a toy

or a public toilet

and I cannot even tell you I'm healing

because I wouldn't be an object of your appreciation anymore

and I can never tell you you hurt me

because I will be scaring you

because it's your right to hurt to seek your pleasure if I'm close

and a woman's duty to bare pain and provide pleasure
again and again without scaring a fly
and without vanity
so I will continue to provide to you
while hurting
by being a public bus handle
you all hold
only to not be abused by you
if I say no.

If I hide

I will heal but not live

but if you see me

you will hurt me 

and you will never learn to care or love
or respect my privacy
or that I am a woman who chooses who I want close
and not choosing you -
does not mean I am not alive or living.